Hollywood has created a romance mythos that has no basis in reality. The guy (usually) always gets the girl; the ugly duckling becomes a beauitul swan and gets the man of her dreams; and the two individuals who seemingly hated one another find it in their hearts to not only maintain tolerance but even fall in love. Romantic comedies work for one reason: they stop at the most opportune time. You don't see what happens post union, because that's when things go south. So, I have chosen a few romantic comedies and have decided to create my own little post-ending scenarios and provide reasons for why these perfect loves are doomed to fail.
Sweet Home Alabama
She winds up with her high school sweetheart - the rough and tumble farmer who has always loved the true Melanie, not the successful, ambitious New York City fashionista that she has become. She eventually rediscovers her true feelings for her former husband (as well as her Southern twang), and leaves her New York life behind. Yeah, OK. Shoot forward 3 years. She is married, pregnant, and riding a tractor. She resents and hates her husband because he represents everything she had tried to escape from, and now she is mired in it forever. She drinks heavily and drunkenly tells her children of her days as a famous fashion designer. They never believe her.
Never Been Kissed
We all know this story, yes? Josie Grossie goes back to high school as part of a journalistic assignment. She falls in love with her English teacher (who thinks she is 17, but he falls in love with her anyway). After much soul searching, he finds out she is a reporter; they have a fight; she writes a romantic piece in the local paper; he reads it and gives her her first real kiss. Cue"aw". What they don't show you are the dinner parties that they throw. Josie is so incredibly excited to be in an adult relationship that she entertains quite frequently. However, Mr. Coulson cannot hold his alcohol and has a penchant for tirades that sound like this: "I fucking wanted to have sex with you when I thought you were 17! Can you fucking imagine that?! FUCK!?" Josie then walks off screen and cries about how another dinner party is ruined because Sam can't let go of the past.
50 First Dates
OK. Drew Barrymore has no short term memory, so Adam Sandler tries his darndest to create a life with her by showing her videos every morning to remind her of what they have. It's sweet. Yeah, it's sweet because it's every man's fantasy - a woman who can't remember shit. After getting bored of having to constantly prove who he is to the woman he shares a home with, he begins to have fun with it. The videos that he shows her each morning become more and more ridiculous, even making her believe on one particular day that they are the 21st century's Bonnie and Clyde. Oh, and at night, he sneaks out to sleep with other women.
Because I had so much fun with this, I think it may become a Friday thing...Next week - Disney movies debunked!
Sweet Home Alabama
She winds up with her high school sweetheart - the rough and tumble farmer who has always loved the true Melanie, not the successful, ambitious New York City fashionista that she has become. She eventually rediscovers her true feelings for her former husband (as well as her Southern twang), and leaves her New York life behind. Yeah, OK. Shoot forward 3 years. She is married, pregnant, and riding a tractor. She resents and hates her husband because he represents everything she had tried to escape from, and now she is mired in it forever. She drinks heavily and drunkenly tells her children of her days as a famous fashion designer. They never believe her.
Never Been Kissed
We all know this story, yes? Josie Grossie goes back to high school as part of a journalistic assignment. She falls in love with her English teacher (who thinks she is 17, but he falls in love with her anyway). After much soul searching, he finds out she is a reporter; they have a fight; she writes a romantic piece in the local paper; he reads it and gives her her first real kiss. Cue"aw". What they don't show you are the dinner parties that they throw. Josie is so incredibly excited to be in an adult relationship that she entertains quite frequently. However, Mr. Coulson cannot hold his alcohol and has a penchant for tirades that sound like this: "I fucking wanted to have sex with you when I thought you were 17! Can you fucking imagine that?! FUCK!?" Josie then walks off screen and cries about how another dinner party is ruined because Sam can't let go of the past.
50 First Dates
OK. Drew Barrymore has no short term memory, so Adam Sandler tries his darndest to create a life with her by showing her videos every morning to remind her of what they have. It's sweet. Yeah, it's sweet because it's every man's fantasy - a woman who can't remember shit. After getting bored of having to constantly prove who he is to the woman he shares a home with, he begins to have fun with it. The videos that he shows her each morning become more and more ridiculous, even making her believe on one particular day that they are the 21st century's Bonnie and Clyde. Oh, and at night, he sneaks out to sleep with other women.
Because I had so much fun with this, I think it may become a Friday thing...Next week - Disney movies debunked!
Yeah, I personally believe that Disney Princess films are to blame for most 15-35 year old woman's issues in relationships.
ReplyDeleteLove this. Fortunately, there's a myriad of "romcoms" to keep this list going indefinitely. And yes - you definitely need to take that as a challenge. I always loved the element of the "hard-working, independent woman who knows what she wants, but the minute a guy gets involved she loses her sense of self, becomes a doormat, and ends up crying until he shows up to profess his love". Yay for faux-feminism!
ReplyDeleteRe: Sweet Home Alabama - you say "riding a tractor" like it's a bad thing. Kidding!
why is this thing on CA time?
ReplyDelete