During my brief single stint when I was 21 years old, I became obsessed with the book, "He's Just Not that Into You". I felt like it had simplified the very complicated world of dating for me in so many ways - If he doesn't call, he doesn't like you. If he likes you, he will ask you out. If he is sleeping with someone else, guess what? He's just not that into you. I felt free. Alive. I could ascertain a man's interest and then drop him at the slightest hint that my enthusiasm was not being returned...
Enter me, 4 years later...
My boyfriend of 3 years packs my things for me without being 100 percent sure that I was indeed leaving Texas to fly back to New York City. Relationship failed. One night as I wallowed, knee-deep in ice cream (what a cliche), "He's Just Not That Into You" began. I can sum up the movie like this - dumb women meet equally dumb men and then, in the end, find happiness whether they are alone, or with one of aforementioned men.
Was there a glimmer of hope? Was it possible that '...after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment" hope could still exist? (ending monologue of the film) Nope.
It only seems that things will work out because they end the movie at the happiest, most opportune time. Gigi is at the very beginning of her relationship with Alex (he has yet to see her truly crazy side); Drew Barrymore's character has yet to pick her first fight with her new boyfriend (who used to sleep with Scarlett Johanssen's character) - "Are you more attracted to her?! Do you still love her?! She still has a hold on you! I know it! ADMIT IT!" They also don't show Jennifer Connelly's character slowly spiral into madness as she attempts to navigate the dating world after being with the same man since college.
When I first became single after the "Austin Debacle" (we will refer to it this way from now on), this movie did give me hope. Then, my relationship experience charged forth and helped me to nullify each happy ending with experience-supported logic. Why must these movies insist on destroying us? This film has created a group of sadomasochistic women who, against all odds, continue to pursue love, or at least the illusion of it. We make fools of ourselves as we attempt to emulate the type of woman that we perceive to be wanted by the men we desire.
However, I must say that my recalcitrant refusal to listen to any of the advice put forth in "He's Just Not That Into You" has caused me to pursue eligible men blindly. I suppose that, while I won't accept the movie's promise of a happy ending, I probably should adopt the idea that if he isn't calling, he isn't interested...or maybe, he'd rather be sleeping with Scarlett Johanssen. Pure and simple.
Oy vey. Dating sucks.
Yeah, look for the signs but they are not 100%. The guy might like you but not know how to approach you. The guy might like you but "the now" isn't right for him for various reasons.
ReplyDeleteThe guy might like you, but is wary because of all the shields you have up.