No, I am not talking of the Dow or the Nasdaq, but rather, the medieval torture device that was often used as a means of public humiliation and pain. When a happy couple (or, as we learned from my last blog - a seemingly happy couple) begins their "let's tell them how we met!" spiel, I cringe. We all know that the story of the happenstance, or not so happenstance meeting will pretty much be variations on one of two themes:
1. "Oh, we hated each other!" Cue knowing smile and coquettish side glance at significant other. "But, I don't know. He just grew on me!"
2. "I knew it the moment we met." Cue same side glance. "I knew I had met the one. You know that feeling? When you just...know?" It is during this question that I wish I lacked my normal human filtering system and instead had a Larry David-like approach to interacting with people: "No, you moron. I don't know what you mean. Do you see a tall, dark, handsome man standing next to me? Is he looking at me with awe-struck eyes almost as if to say, 'how did I manage to get her?' NO!"
While both stories may vary depending on the couple, they all have one goal - to incite jealousy in the single individual (or equally "fortunate" couple) who is listening. Couples constantly try to one-up eachother- "Oh, you guys met when his car crashed into yours? Well, we lived in the same building for 10 years and never crossed paths! Can you imagine?!"
My favorite, however, is the "How we met story" (directed at a single friend) that ends with the sympathetic "aw, you'll find somebody" head tilt. I don't need your pity. As a matter of fact, I feel quite lucky that I do not have to subject other unsuspecting bystanders to a needless real-life romance written by two nitwits. I, instead, will take part in conversation that involves all individuals in the room and not just the two self-centered morons who decided to torture us for 30 minutes as they described how he "swept her off her feet" when he rang up her apples at the A&P.
Man, that felt good. Maybe I should channel Larry David more often.
1. "Oh, we hated each other!" Cue knowing smile and coquettish side glance at significant other. "But, I don't know. He just grew on me!"
2. "I knew it the moment we met." Cue same side glance. "I knew I had met the one. You know that feeling? When you just...know?" It is during this question that I wish I lacked my normal human filtering system and instead had a Larry David-like approach to interacting with people: "No, you moron. I don't know what you mean. Do you see a tall, dark, handsome man standing next to me? Is he looking at me with awe-struck eyes almost as if to say, 'how did I manage to get her?' NO!"
While both stories may vary depending on the couple, they all have one goal - to incite jealousy in the single individual (or equally "fortunate" couple) who is listening. Couples constantly try to one-up eachother- "Oh, you guys met when his car crashed into yours? Well, we lived in the same building for 10 years and never crossed paths! Can you imagine?!"
My favorite, however, is the "How we met story" (directed at a single friend) that ends with the sympathetic "aw, you'll find somebody" head tilt. I don't need your pity. As a matter of fact, I feel quite lucky that I do not have to subject other unsuspecting bystanders to a needless real-life romance written by two nitwits. I, instead, will take part in conversation that involves all individuals in the room and not just the two self-centered morons who decided to torture us for 30 minutes as they described how he "swept her off her feet" when he rang up her apples at the A&P.
Man, that felt good. Maybe I should channel Larry David more often.
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