I was reading SELF Magazine recently and I was intrigued by an article entitled "We've got a sexy secret...28 of them actually!" Ooooh, please SELF Magazine, tell me more! Reading through the trite bits of advice about how to spice up your love life, I came across one that made me guffaw. While it was meant to provide a glimmer of hope for those couples whose sex life has gone dull, it simply proved my point that the only antidote to a bad/boring relationship is the absence of one. And I quote:
"Imagine he's a movie star...The Pro's POV: Fantasizing like this is actually a healthy way to keep the spark alive. 'MRI studies show that novelty-even simply thinking about something or someone new-can light up dopamine pathways in the brain,' explains Susan Kellogg, Ph.D...because dopamine is linked with reward-seeking behavior and sexual interest, imagining Viggo, Daniel or John can be seductive. That being said, if pretending your mate is someone else makes you feel guilty, don't do it."
I find it disconcerting (yes, ME, Miss Jaded) that this is being provided as actual advice. Why not simply say, "Yes, we recognize that after a certain period of time, sex with your partner can become monotonous, even routine. Hell, it's even outright boring! So, imagine someone else...anyone else. That way, you're not thinking about how much monogamy has destroyed any chance you ever had for a hot sex life."
I also find it quite interesting that this imagining someone new activates the dopamine pathways in the brain. An excessive amount of dopamine is also associated with attention deficit disorder. Now, feel free to call me out on convoluted logic but- if we are activating the same neurotransmitter pathway each time we fantasize about someone new, aren't we in turn making ourselves more susceptible to the same inability to concentrate on the same person over a period of time? I believe SELF Magazine is propagating attention deficit disorder in relationships. Also, bringing up the possibility of guilt brings to mind the idea of virtual cheating. "Hey, if you feel bad about the fact that your partner can't do it for you anymore and you need to imagine your hot neighbor, don't do it." Or, I could also be reaching.
I also adore the magazine's diction - imagining Christian Bale while you're in bed with a real, touchable man (I'm just using Bale as a for instance - he's not my dream guy or anything) - is healthy. There is something to be said for the fact that a healthy way of dealing with monogamy's monotony is to be with someone else, even if only in your imagination.
Well, there you go - SELF has provided us with the antidote to the complete unsustainability of romantic relationships - pretend that you're not with your mate anymore! Now, you may say - "Well, you're not doing it all the time, you're only doing it during sex." Right. You're only doing it during what is supposed to be the most intimate time in a couple's relationship; the time that for many couples, can make or break the decision to stay together. Yes, definitely do it during that time. Please.
And thank you SELF for proving my point about how difficult and virtually useless monogamy is and disguising it as useful advice. Well done.
No comments:
Post a Comment