So, I have decided to rejoin the dating world in the most pathetic way possible...I am paying Match.com to find someone for me. (I have to add this parenthetical statement because, during proofreading, I reread this line and thought - holy shit, do I actually expect to "find someone"? That phrasing deserves some analysis. Am I actually attempting to locate a life partner? I didn't think so...but, many would say that my diction may suggest otherwise. I am a fraud I tell ya! A fraud!)
Now, as much as I would love to describe a debacle of a date for you, complete with horrific dinner conversation covering everything from mental illness (most likely induced by an ex) to medical abnormalities, I have come to a frightening realization (well, two?)
Number 1: Dating in New York City is hard (no shit).
Number 2: I am an incredibly undesireable candidate for coffee and uncomfortable questions.
I don't have any stories for you because apparently, no one responds to snarky, funny emails. When did this happen? Carrie Bradshaw gets everywhere with men by being snarky...Is it because my hair lacks the requisite curl to render my emails cutesy and fun? Do I just seem like a mediocrely attractive woman who thinks she can just get by on her wits?
Navigating the dating world is like working one's way through the Serengeti. Correction: for me, navigating the dating world is like being an ugly, lame gazelle in the Serengeti. It's insanely uncomfortable; there are mirages everywhere; and there are a ton of other faster, more attractive animals competing for the same prize. Also, if you manage to sink your teeth into one of the prey before one of your competitors, your fang comes loose (on the fourth date) and they get away. CRAP.
Today I also decided to be pathetic. I whined. When complaining to a co-worker about my lack of date-related blog fodder, I was told that I am "too smart"... While many would probably find this to be an unfair assessment of why I am not dating, I took it as a great compliment. I would like to therefore think that everyone is not too dumb for me, but rather, I am so insanely brilliant that romantic relationships bore me. Phew, that sounds way better. Wouldn't you rather be socially awkward as a result of Einstein-level brilliance than be completely and utterly inept at the romantic interview? I would.
My plan? I will see what comes of this new endeavor and I will continue to send witty emails. Screw you if you don't like them. Also, I will continue to admire those ungettable gets that get me through my days because they require no investment of my time or energy. I also do not have to worry about losing a fang.
I'll keep you posted.
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