Deep Thoughts...By Christine.

There is something to be said for the way different relationships are delineated. There is the obvious distinction between seeing one another vs. dating vs. being in a relationship. I am going to define these as I see them and you can feel free to correct me should you disagree:

Seeing one another: it is brand new. Rules/guidelines have yet to be established and the option of seeing other people and exploring other alternatives is there for both parties.

Dating: most likely exclusive but at the same time, the names 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' have yet to be used.

Relationship: you're together. It's official. There is no 'dating other people' or 'exploring other options'. The risk of hurt/disappointment/gut wrenching pain is highest at this point as well. Basically, you're f*cked once you've reached this level.

However, in today's world, the types of relationships you can find yourself in are more varied. With everyone recovering from a bad break-up nowadays and/or still living with an ex, the option for actual 'dating' simply doesn't exist. People are too busy licking their wounds in order to commit to another individual on any level, even if it simply means sharing a meal on a Friday night. Instead, these days we have 'friends with benefits' - individuals who appear on our doorstep when we need them the most (our sexual satisfaction meter dangerously low); fulfill our carnal desires and then depart. It is a relationship on the basest, simplest level, and many have used such arrangements to cope with a bad break-up.

However, I pose this question - is it possible for such arrangements to bring us even closer to the hurt that we're do desperately trying to avoid? Are they really fool-proof set-ups?After all, when such an arrangement happens, I am sure conversation is involved. There is an exchanging of pleasantries, the typical 'first-date' questions: "what do you do?" "where did you grow up?" "how many siblings do you have". It's really the first, second, third, fourth, and fifth date rolled up into one neat, little package. Furthermore, you're engaging in one of the most intimate acts two people can take part in so you have to constantly wonder when it goes from 'just sex' to 'holy shit, I want this person around. Dammit.'

Again, please let me know what you think but, I have had friends whose f*ck buddy relationships have turned into actual boyfriend girlfriend scenarios and then there were others that simply fizzled and died out. It's kind of funny actually - in our attempt to avoid the awkward first date, we put ourselves in the awkward position of being naked in front of someone else; in an attempt to create a no frills relationship we create one that cannot be defined, causing us to constantly wonder just what kind of arrangement we are in; and in an attempt to avoid a 'relationship', we perform an intimate act with the same person over and over again while also learning about them little by little...isn't it all the same thing?

So I guess it is true - ALL relationships between men and women, whether definable or not, are doomed to fail. Once you engage in any pseudo-romantic arrangement, the risk factor goes up and we're just as vulnerable to disappointment and hurt. I'm back people!