Since I've Been Gone...

Hello all,

I know I've been gone for quite a while...Let's just say that my time away has been occupied by field research. I have been dating and consequently, dealing with disappointment. It is absolutely amazing to me (and I won't draw gender lines here even though I am a heterosexual woman) how people are absolutely incapable of being honest. While a completely ineffectual dater, I am always honest with those individuals I have no intention of ever seeing again: "Hey, I just didn't feel the connection. Good luck with everything!" Granted, it might not be the best thing to say, but at least it's honest. I also see it as fair. It prevents the other person from obsessing about the infrequency of text messages/phone calls and also provides closure...they can move on and continue to go on more unsuccessful, unfulfilling dates.

Unless there is some sort of insane circumstance that prevents someone from calling/texting (i.e. family tragedy) if texts or phone calls stop, the person has absolutely no interest in seeing you again. They are (with their silence) attempting to drop the hint that things aren't working out so well. Unfortunately, it is the dumpee who then has to put two and two together, deal with the rejection, and maybe move on...

I was initially the silent victim. I would allow someone to disappear and wait the requisite 2 weeks before giving up entirely (while also silently blaming myself for showing my inherent awkwardness too early on - that's DEFINITELY the reason they didn't call).

Now, I've come to a very powerful realization...YOU did nothing wrong, you poor individual waiting patiently by your phone. It is the other person who is the moron. They do not have the cahones to come forward and say, "I don't want to do this anymore." If your date has pulled a Houdini on you I beg of you, call them out on their shit. Ask them where they went and if possible, break it off first because God knows they won't have the guts to.

I am aware that dating blows. I am aware that the likelihood of my meeting someone with whom I am compatible and who doesn't have an unmanageable amount of emotional baggage is slim to none. However, I will continue to try because it's fun, and I want to continue to prove my theory about the futility of romantic relationships. But, I make you this promise - I will be proactive when the communication ceases and I will make sure to hold them accountable for their childish avoidance, and I ask you to do the same. Pull them out of their pitiful forts of silence without fear of being considered "crazy" or "needy". Don't worry. They already decided they don't like you. Move on.